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Thursday, January 14, 2010
Stuggling to find solace in my surrender.
I'm really struggling with depression. My individual therapy sessions have been quite heavy since returning from Theo and Jessie's wedding. My therapist is amazing. She's helping me navigate my way through a lot of......junk. As much as I have HATED the way that my obsessions and compulsions have taken over my mind and my life, they have been so interwoven into my daily living that without them, it feels like a piece of me has died. To date, I have taken four showers completely FREE of ANY compulsions. I should be excited. I should be ecstatic. But I'm not. I feel depressed.....not specifically about my showers....just about life. I don't know who I am without compulsions....without my secret self-soothing mechanisms. I can't remember life before this hell.
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Kristen, with or without your "idiosyncrasis" you are beautiful creation of God, loved by Him and so many others of us around the world. Keep fighting for your free spririt. It will be worth it all when you come out victorious on the other side and your inner beauty will be even more evident to all around you. We love you and are praying for you every day. Hugs, AJ, UJP, A, S and J
ReplyDeleteThink deep and hard, Kristen. Life before all this was full of your free spirit and your spontaneous fun. You were a friend to everyone with loyal & deep friendships that enriched your life and all those around you. You have been an encouragement to all you meet and you have had high aspirations for your life. You set a standard for those around you to have fun but also be serious about important things in life. You have not lost your ability to feel emotions with others. You are still a great person to be around. You are loved. You have so much that you continue to give to others. Don't give up. Keep fighting!! You are getting stronger, calmer and thinking more clearly. You are within reach of that former free spirit that you think is so distant. Keep looking to rediscover that free spirit that defined you not so long ago. You are loved so much.
ReplyDeleteLove & Hugs......
We are all still here for you and love you! You'll come out knowing that there has been a family - that stretches the world over - praying for you and cheering you on. xo
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. It will take time to find yourself again, but figuring out who you are without OCD is such a rewarding journey and one that will bring you even closer to God. I miss you and hope to be able to meet up soon. I am so proud of all your progress and will be keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDelete-Arine
I love all of you! You're encouragement and prayers on my behalf mean so much to me. I can't wait to catch up with all of you in person sometime soon, hopefully!
ReplyDeleteAnd...Love and Hugs back to Anonymous who signed off with Love and Hugs. ;)
It is great that you have such a wonderful therapist to get through all of this. My pick for tonight is....Michelle #1, Ella #2...
ReplyDeleteI am too excited...Mike
Mike, the Bachelor just wasn't the same without you in the "fantasy league." It was a 3-way tie last night though. Send in your picks for next week. :)
ReplyDeleteArine....I miss you!! How are you? Send me an email so I have your address. tokristenlove@hotmail.com
ReplyDelete