Monday, June 7, 2010

Episode 2

I apologize that I didn’t get my thoughts on episode 2 up on Friday. To be honest, I completely forgot on Friday, and I wasn’t home very much over the weekend. Anyway….. Here are some of my thoughts….

Episode two…..well, it was interesting to say the least….even for me to watch. I was actually pretty frustrated. The most frustrating thing about the whole episode was when Dr. Tolin was trying to figure out what my triggers are. This was my first time in treatment. I had never fully verbalized my obsessions or compulsions to anyone, for fear that I would actually be labeled crazy. And here I was, sitting in front of a psychologist who wanted me to identify….specifically…..what triggered me – what I obsessed over. Seriously?? It didn’t sit well with me then, and it seems especially unfair and unrealistic to me now. Of course I wanted to specifically hone in on what exactly triggered me, but it wasn’t realistic to figure that out in ONE “therapy” session that was under an hour long. I felt very pressured to figure it out, and somehow the conclusion we came to was male genitalia?? Ahhh…..sooo frustrating, because I knew there was more to my obsessions than that. I knew that wasn’t the basis of my fears. Although I do think it is extremely disgusting for people (men or women) to use the restroom without washing their hands……AND SMELLY!!! (My favorite line of the whole episode!! :) haha!)

After arriving at Roger’s, and spending COUNTLESS hours with my amazing behavior therapist there, I was able to specifically and accurately identify my triggers. All my obsessions revolve around three things…. hands, shoes, and urine. That realization…..or discovery…..sat well with me. It was spot on. I got stuck in my cycle of compulsions because I was obsessing about dirty hands and what they were touching, all the germs shoes spread, and urine was the ultimate “germ” that I was afraid of. It really has nothing to do with male genitalia. Just for the record. :)

To be fair, it was a TV show, so we weren’t afforded the luxury of extensive therapy sessions because that would not have appealed to TV audiences. I totally understand. It’s just a fine line because on one hand there were six people with fragile and vulnerable issues that needed to be discussed and worked through in order to come to a complete understanding of why we behaved in the ways that we did. However, on the other hand, this show needed to captivate and keep the interest of the general public, so the pace was definitely sped up and things happened a little more dramatically than they would in a treatment center that was not filmed 24-7. It makes complete sense. And that’s why I have my blog….. :)


  1. Great explanation! It makes sense to me, too, and I'm hoping that people are able to supplement their viewing with the reading of your blog. It helps fill in the "rest of the story" that can't fit into a 1 hour episode involving 5 other individuals. I continue to be fascinated with your journey and your courage to fight for your free spirit. XOXOOOOOOO

  2. Wow, I thought extensive therapy sessions were going on behind the scenes. I think the producers are negligent if they tried to save money by not providing substantial counseling (that needn't have been filmed/shown, btw) while dealing with such a serious and devastating disorder.