Monday, November 30, 2009

Blue Buttons

It's been a few days since I've written. It seems like a month's worth of thoughts have run through my head. I'm quickly learning that weekends are very difficult for me here. All the therapists are gone and much less programming, so it is easy to become quickly overwhelmed by obsessions and emotions. I can't tell you how happy I was to see all the therapist walk through the door this morning. I feel like "it's on" again.....the strength and courage to fight.

There is a lot I want to write, but I just have a few minutes before lunch, so I will quickly write about my happy moment of the day so far...

We have "experiential therapy" a couple times a week, one of which was this morning from 10:45 to noon. I will explain experiential therapy in more detail later, but for the sake of time, this morning was "open art." Crafts have always been one of my favorite things to do, because it's a way for me to express my creativity and honestly, it's always been quite relaxing and therapeutic. My creativity is also one of the major things that I feel like my OCD has taken away from me. It's a sad loss. Doing things to express my creativity brings me a tremendous sense of value, and I feel free. My free spirit soars and my heart feels happy. As much as I love crafts and creative projects, over the years I've stopped doing them more and more because of the stressful, negative rabbit-trail of thoughts and compulsive behavior that started to become associated with something I once loved.

This morning I felt something different. The hour and 15 minutes seemed like seconds. I haven't felt so relaxed, so calm, so content in what seems like forever. The triggers didn't seem to exist. I escaped to a place I a feeling I love, instead of a place that temporarily soothes and ultimately hurts. I was making a card with blue buttons. It felt like I was escaping from what has been my reality, but in reality it was my free spirit stirring within me. It was a happy moment.


  1. I just had my "happy moment" reading about your "happy moment". :-)

  2. Hi Kristen,
    Its Ahna, Michelles BFF...Your blog looks fantastic. I have really enjoyed reading all your posts! You are amazing for opening up like you have! Thanks for letting us all take this journey with you...We're cheering for you & thinking about you out here in Cali.

  3. Hi Ahna! My blog looks awesome thanks to you and Michelle! Thanks for making it for me!!! I love it!! :)