Thursday, November 19, 2009

My secret struggle

I've decided to start a blog as a way of recording the journey I'm on, but more importantly, to give you the opportunity to journey with me.

My journey, or struggle, has been very private...very secretive. The earliest memories I have of my struggle are about 15 years ago when I began obsessing about whether or not I had really, actually closed and locked my bedroom door, and making sure my fingers turned the light switch off "just right." I don't remember having any other obsessions until years later when it literally felt like I woke up one day and I was obsessed with everything. My life began to feel like it was spinning out of control towards the end of 2003, and by the end of 2004, I couldn't necessarily put a name to how I was feeling, but I knew things weren't right. Irrational thoughts and overwhelming anxiety began taking over my life. As the years progressed, so did the obsessions. I quickly discovered that compulsive behaviors reduced my soothed me. That knowledge evoked a vicious cycle of giving my obsessions power that eventually strangled my free spirit, leaving me living within the rigid rules of a very lonely, angry world controlled by my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

This is my fight to break out of the vicious cycle and revive my free spirit.

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