Friday, November 27, 2009

Simple Love - My responses to letters from friends who have encouraged me with their words, inspired me by sharing their journey, and loved me simply.

(I will occasionally post portions of my responses but will try my best not to disclose any identifying information about the recipient.)

Dear Friend,

Soo good to hear from you!! Your email brought tears. The "drugs" are different, but the effects are similar. It's been incredibly shameful to finally come out and be honest about my struggle. But I would have....could have....never guessed the liberation I'd feel because of it either! I've tried with all my might to make my life appear "put together" for the the world, but it has slowly corroded my spirit. I got to a point where my OCD was dibilitating for me. There was very little I could do, very few places I could go, where I wasn't struggling tremendously with ritualistic behavior. But even though I felt dibilitated and like a shell of a person, I was a master at hiding it. The ONLY reason I decided to make my journey of healing public was for the very reason of inspiring other people to not feel ashamed of their own struggles. I mean, lets be honest.....everyone is jacked. It's just that pride and shame get the better of us, and so we complicate our struggle by keeping it a secret.

I commend you in HUGE ways for taking the step to move away from your current environment. I assure won't be easy. In fact, it will probably be some of THE worst days, months, of your entire life. BUT....keep the bigger picture in mind. I'm going through it every day. Sometimes I have to literally write out on paper what the "bigger picture" is....sometimes I express what my "bigger picture" looks like through crafts.....but what has helped me keep fighting for my free spirit is the accountability and freedom I am experiencing from being open about my disorder.....and now my fight.

Please write me anytime you feel like it. I won't sugar-coat anything for you, but I will encourage you the best I know how to keep fighting for your life and for your future. I will be your biggest cheer-leader because I'll be going through it with you. I relapse every single day. I quit treatment in LA on my seventh day, but my family would not come pick me up, so I had to stay. You are going to need a support system to make it, so I'd encourage you to build that up as soon as possible....whatever that looks like for you.

I'm proud of you. You're not alone. You're gonna win.

Write me anytime. Thanks for your encouragement and means the world to me!!!


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