Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The parrot is cussing

Oooooo....... Sigh......... What a day.

So my behavioral therapist shared a really good analogy with me on one of my first days here. Side note: We spend the majority of our week working with our BT, hence the many references. Anyway, we were meeting and he began to compare my OCD to a parrot that perches on my shoulder. At some point that parrot made a small noise that annoyed me, so I fed it to keep it quiet so I could go on with my life. That parrot decided it was hungry again, so it squawked again, this time a little louder. I fed it again to silence the annoying bird. The parrot squawked even louder, this time hopping up from my upper arm onto my shoulder. I fed it faster to alleviate the noise and discomfort. As fast as I could feed the parrot, the darn winged creature would hop closer to my ear and squawk with even more gusto.

I'm here to learn how to not feed the parrot anymore. If anyone would like to try to fully understand what I'm going through, go to your local pet store, ask for their most obnoxious parrot, and set that sucker up near your ear and wait for it to start squawking. Guaranteed, it will send chills down your back and you'll get an instant headache, along with a plethora of other uncomfortable sensations I'm sure.

Just as the parrot learned that the louder it squawked, the faster it got fed....the opposite is also true. The less it gets fed, the less it will be interested in sticking around.....and eventually that parrot will get so sick of squawking and carrying on that its voice will get weaker and weaker until it is almost inaudible or hopefully just decides to fly away forever. However, that parrot is currently wreaking havoc likes its World War III cause it knows its time is coming to an end.

Today was super sucky. I worked on some hard planned exposures, had some unplanned exposures to work through, had a heavy therapy session (different than my BT), and just felt easily triggered. During one of my many meltdowns, my BT said, "The parrot's squawking pretty loud today, huh?!" Through my tears, my response was, "The parrot is cussing!!!!" And there may have been some expletives in guarantees. :) I worked really hard, went through many Kleenexes, and tried my best not to feed that parrot.....but oh, the temptation!

I could care less if I ever see a flippin' parrot again in my life!!

1 comment:

  1. Kristen,

    I just randomly found your blog and words can not express what an inspiration it is to me! I'm a 27 year old woman who's been struggling privately with a bad case of "closet-OCD" for years and your parrot analogy just made something click inside my head... Thank you so much for sharing this insight!