Some of my thoughts

An entry from my journal on Wednesday, Dec 9th.


My days are like the tide....a million thoughts, familiar emotions, flood my head, my soul, my being. At moments the intensity of the waves seems overwhelming and knocks me down. I get tousled. I gasp for air. The destructive power of something that on other days seems so calm, so serene. Where is the peace? The waves seem to be rolling in faster than I feel like I can recover and gain my foothold again. The remarkable truth is that I'm not drowning, I'm not giving in to the movement in which the waves try to command. I'm getting stronger.

During art therapy on Monday, I came across the poem that I posted below. It caught my attention immediately and I couldn't stop thinking about it as I continued creating. I love the title....."I will not die an unlived life." My heart kinda leaped when I first read it. "Yes! I totally agree...I WILL NOT die an unlived life." The sentence prompted all sorts of memories. Fun, amazing, incredible memories of travelling, adventure, extreme and simple pleasures. I am blessed. I am fortunate. I am loved. I am loved by a person that died so that I might live. That poem got to me....If I were to die today, will my life have been lived in a way that justifies His death? What kind of life did Jesus intend for me that warranted His death? What did He foresee? Is it possible that I haven't fully lived yet? Is it conceivable that I do not understand the depth to which my life should be lived? If someone were to give his own life for the sole purpose that I may live, would not my life be lived differently.....intentionally? I struggle.